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Introduction To Parenting Teenagers
by Mary Loewen
The process of parenting teenagers can be full of surprises
and paradox. You can go through moments of great joy and moments of deep
disappointment. It is important to know that the teen years are the time when
you child is slowly extracting him or herself from your direct control and
supervision.
This is not a momentary action. It takes several years for both the parent
and child to adapt to a more self-sufficient and independent child. It is vital
that you as parent support your child in this process as opposed to hindering
them.
This process is really what you have been preparing your child for, and it
is why you have been raising your child -- to stand on their own two feet as an
adult. It is very important that you rejoice as your teenager progresses towards
independence while you continue to provide a safety net.
You as a parent must understand that this separation process is going to
commence when the child begins to celebrate his or her double digit birthdays.
Begin the process by identifying external interests for the child to be
involved in. Some children are athletic and for those a team sports a wonderful
environment to keep the child involved in wholesome activities. However, do not
delegate your parental responsibilities to external parties. You still need to
be very involved with this area of the child's life. You must demonstrate your
interest by attending games, for example.
Church activities can also be very valuable to help your teenager as the
child starts to become aware of their spiritual life. Having access to an
external spiritual leader and group helps both the parent and the teenager.
Teenagers can adopt many other activities that interest them, such as
singing in a choir, playing in a band, going camping, showing off their skills
at gymnastics, and many other constructive activities. These activities help the
teenager to develop their own interests and form their own identity as they pull
further and further away from the direct control and influence of the parent.
A very important aspect of teenage parenting is the presentation of a united
front. Teenagers are experts at playing the one parent off against the other to
get their way. It creates confusion in the family and it is not good for the
teenager if parents openly disagree. Even when the two parents may have
disagreements about rules, those disagreements must be worked out in private.
The teenager needs the structured environment of getting a consistent answer
from both parents.
Regardless of how well your parenting skills are developed, you can expect
some rough patches as your child goes through the teenage years. It is all just
a natural process of becoming an adult.
About the Author: Mary Loewen contributes
parenting advice to ParentPlaza.com. |
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