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Succeeding at "Ohana"
by Steve Goodier
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them
complained of family problems.
Finally, the other man said, "You think you have family problems?
Listen. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter,
and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made
my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also,
my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.
"Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was
my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the
son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That
made me the grandfather of my half-brother.
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister
of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my
father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's
wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's
aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather!
"And you think you have family problems!"
Sorting out his family could be a problem. But most family
difficulties are of a different nature than simply figuring out who's
who.
One of the most common complaints I hear from families is that they
are not close. They may be close in proximity, but still not feel
close as a family. They may live next door or in the same house, but
not feel close emotionally.
Closeness is not about latitude; it's about attitude. We feel close
when we feel understood, when we feel loved and when we simply enjoy
being together. We may live far apart and still feel close, or we may
share a home yet feel distant.
Closeness is a family trait that grows over time. It is planted by
love, watered by honest sharing and fed by true listening. It grows
slowly and sometimes takes years to mature; but its roots grow deep.
It can weather most any storm and sustain a family through the most
difficult of times.
I received a letter from a reader in Hawaii. She pointed out that the
CEO of one of the island's largest banks was considering a run for
governor. Since he is well-liked, he seemed to have a good chance of
winning.
But, before filing papers, he changed his mind, stating that he wanted
to spend more time with his family. Not that elected officials cannot
be family-oriented, but he felt he needed more time at home than the
job allowed.
Ronald A. Young, in the Honolulu Advertiser, said this about the
candidate's decision: "No matter what you accomplish in the business
world or the social world, if you fail 'ohana' [family], then you have
not accomplished much. Failure or success does not lie in the material
wealth you provide them. It is measured by what of yourself you give
to them."
He made a decision to give the best of himself to "ohana." He chose
family closeness first, despite pressure to put more time elsewhere.
It's likely a decision he'll never regret.
Steve Goodier
Publisher@LifeSupportSystem.com is a professional speaker, consultant and
author of numerous books. Visit his site for more information, or to sign up for
his FREE newsletter of Life, Love and Laughter at http://LifeSupportSystem.com.
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